P-Mates, for the Girl Who Has Always Wanted to Pee Her Name in the Snow

Awhile ago, Brooke Schoenman asked me if I was interested in reviewing some P-Mates on my blog. Discover what it’s like to pee my name in the hypothetical snow? Yes, please!

A P-Mate is “like a cardboard shoe with the toe cut off.” You place the wide end under your urethra, and let ‘er go. Make sure the opening at the end is actually open, and aim away from your shoes. No more mess, no more unsanitary public toilets!

Unfortunately, I found the concept difficult to grasp at first. I mean, I’m from isolated, coastal Newfoundland and Labrador. I’ve been mastering the “squat-and-pee” since I was old enough to drink beer in the forest. Thirteen years old.

But early one morning (like 3 a.m.), when some friends and I decided to head to Cape Spear to be the first people to watch the sun rise in North America, I decided it was time to push my doubts aside and attempt to pee like a man.

It wasn’t easy. I still did the squat, it just felt natural. So I half-squatted, and peed, much to the horror of my male companion who then tried to teach me the true way. I even pushed my chest back and whistled.

First I thought I was peeing all over my hand, but I could just feel warm pee through the cardboard. Also, I was a little intoxicated. Maggie witnessed my freak-out first hand. Oh god, have I said too much? Am I too masculine now? Will this pink font eradicate your doubts? Can someone tell me I’m pretty?

Anyway. I really like the P-Mates, and I want to try them again in a more controlled environment. For the record, I later squatted in the old war barracks with my butt exposed, experienced some “splash-back” (I’m not quite the pro I thought I was), and mooned a well-dressed couple strolling along the trail for some sunrise nookie. In these cases, totally worth the stand-and-pee capabilities.

Uhh, I dont know how that whisky got there.

Uhh, I don't know how that whisky got there.

My next test? I’m gonna stroll into the men’s bathroom, whip out my P-Mate at the urinal, wink at the guy next to me and say, “How you doin’?”

  • http://www.roadtripsforbeer.com Gerard Walen

    Umm, for the record, guys don’t usually talk too much at the urinals, especially to hot women wielding a cardboard shoe with the toes cut off.

  • maggie

    yeah, i lol’d reading this. Oh, the memories.. ;D
    (and it was closer to 4am, my dear.. ;) )

    “This is easy… AH! I PEED ON MY LEG!”

    “I PEED ON MY HAAAAANNNNNNDDDD!!!!”

    that may have been the moment I fell in love with you for reals… ;)

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  • http://www.thetaptapbus.com Katie Oakes

    Hahaha!!! Loved the highly detailed account of the P-mate-ing experience, I needed one of those for some of the public toilets South America had to offer! They’re called she-pee’s over here! K

  • http://www.ohheyworld.com Drew Meyers

    Haha – can you say “hilarious?”. I can

  • http://michael.tyson.id.au Michael Tyson

    My question is what do you do with the cardboard once you’ve peed all over it and there’s no bin nearby?

  • http://www.travel-writers-exchange.com Trisha Miller

    I love this! And dude, you should totally be affiliate-linking this thing – I want to buy some!! But I want you to get credit!! Oh and for the record, you are not just pretty, you’re gorgeous, so pee like a man and don’t worry about it – no one will ever mistake you for a guy. :-)

  • http://backpackbasecamp.blogspot.com Robin

    Candice – Very funny as usual! You don’t have to use a pink font – you are still just as feminine and pretty.

    Robin

  • http://alittleadrift.com Shannon OD

    This is so awesome…and bizarre to be sure, but like Trisha, I so want to try some out- love that you gave us a play by play of the experience…and that you didn’t pee on your hand :-)

  • http://www.vagabondquest.com/ Dina

    Hahahha, funny story! I’ve seen the product in store (or similar.. I don’t remember the name), but haven’t bought/tried it. I imagine you (I mean we, women), will still need some toilet paper to wipe around, and some water to rinse the P-mate? Or… any trick for that?

  • http://www.adventurerob.com AdventureRob

    That is probably the 2nd most un-elegant thing I’ve ever seen.

    A bit transsexualish from behind :-/

    I’m glad I have a penis! At least our er exit hole has a bit of padding so don’t have to feel the warmth as it comes out.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    A bit transexualish?? Hahahaha thanks Rob, thanks a lot.

  • http://travelerahoy.wordpress.com Alouise

    Omg that was hilarious. Who knows maybe with practice you will be able to pee your name in the snow.

  • http://blog.alulai.com Cammy@ClassroomConfessions

    I need one! I always have to pee like a racehorse. Oh and if you do that thing in the men’s bathroom, I want pics.

  • http://musictravelwrite.wordpress.com Michelle

    All my life I have waited for a product like this.

    Brilliant review. Even more so, brilliant pics. :D

  • http://www.TheConstantComplainer.com The Constant Complainer

    I laughed out loud when I read your “How you doin?” comment. That would be awesome.

  • http://www.dangerous-business.com Amanda

    Hahahaha. I literally am laughing out loud. The photo of you using your P-Mate is fabulous. Glad you didn’t actually pee on your hand! And now I’m really curious about these things…

  • Sarah P

    HAHAHAHAHA God I love you Candice!! That is hilarious! You once again just made my night!

  • http://aliadventures.com Ali

    Candice, this is one of the funniest things I’ve read in awhile! Thanks for the laughs, hope you’re doing good!

  • http://corn-bean.com linlah

    The pink font did help, thank you.

  • http://www.stophavingaboringlife.com SHABL

    If i was in a bathroom at a bar which is common and saw some lady doing that, I’d be thrilled. It would make my night well sorta. Better that then the dude hanging out in Helsinki today, literally. This dude had no pants on, bizzarrrre.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Really? You wouldn’t ask me what the hell I’m doing?

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Hahahahaha, god I hope I win that contest just so I can show everyone the video.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Hahaha, I need to try these babies again, perhaps sober this time…

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    I wish I could post the videos…!

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    I have no idea, thankfully there was a bin nearby!

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Hmm, I don’t think there is an affiliate link! :( Hahaha, and thank you!

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Robin, you are too kind! Thanks doll.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Thanks, Shannon! I hope I didn’t pee on my hand…details are hazy.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Dude, I didn’t even consider the toilet paper thing, I guess I dripped-dried? Shook it off like a man? Eek.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    I’m keeping at least a few just for that occasion.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Of the men? Will do!

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Now you too can pee like a man! Go forth and be free!

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    I wonder if anyone would high-five me?

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Hahaha, I’m glad I inspired some people to try these, dooo it! I wanna hear more reviews.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Hahaha! <3

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Thanks, Ali! The experience was quite amusing.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Whew, was worried.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Ahhh pantlessness, the next step in female freedom…

  • http://www.maitravelsite.com Federico @ maitravelsite

    hahaha…one hilarious post- the detailed descritpion and accompanying photos are priceless! I couldn’t believe this was something to share, but it is in your case lol This said it might do the trick for traveling females… what is your verdict? Aye or nay?

  • http://www.myspace.com/revo1886 Corinne

    Hahaha thanks for this funny post. Though I’m actually not really a fan of p-mates. They’ve got them on a festival here in Switzerland. The thought behind is, that girls use a special urinal and reduce the queues in front of the toilets. Unfortunately they use it also to pee behind tents and other “wild” places, like guys do. Having worked as a so-called “trash hero” I can only tell that it’s NOT fun to collect all the used, thrown away p-mates the next morning… ^^
    But generally speaking I think it could be quite useful. Gotta try it one day. :)

  • http://brookevstheworld.com Brooke vs. the World

    OMG – CANDICE YOU ROCK! Cracking up hardcore. Sorry, I haven’t checked stuff in a while been so busy, but this is gold. and, I need some.

  • http://gypsychicktravels.com Shauna

    Haha, hilarious!
    I’m a farm girl from Alberta so I get what you’re saying. I also thought I was a pro at the squat, until I had to learn to use squat toilets with my backpack on. Then I peed on my foot every time. I’ve been considering the new options.
    Thanks for the funny review :)

    Shauna

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  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Ah, WITH the backpack! Nice. I haven’t even attempted that one yet, perhaps my next experiment?

  • http://habamania.com Jacob

    Im gonna have to watch out in the mon’s room for now on! Im scared!!!

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Make sure you throw the wink in there.

  • http://www.p-mate.com Jack Beerens

    Hi Candice,
    Lovely article!
    If you wanna try again, please send me an e-mail and I will make sure through our US dealer that you will get some samples for testing.

    Please check our website for more information.

    With kind regards,
    Jack Beerens
    General Manager
    P-Mate BV
    The Netherlands

  • Urmila Mathondkar

    Congratulations for being a man.

  • DevGill

    Hahahahahhaaj you made my day welcome to our world….see you in the loo…