This isn’t really a travel post. This isn’t even really a post about anything other than my frustration over something so horrific, it only deserves to be written about.

I noticed an alarming trend while driving across Canada. Everywhere I went, I was jarred by the sight of the Ballerina Bun. Whether I was sitting for a beer at a pub or browsing a sale rack at a clothing store, there were times when I caught sight of the Bun creeping into my peripheral vision like a predator out for the kill. It just lurked there all ominous and foreboding, while I froze poised to run for the door the minute it advanced in my direction.

Girls everywhere with a tiny bun piled haphazardly smack-dab in the centre of the top of their heads, like a Teletubbie. I call it the Ballerina Bun, except there’s nothing classic or elegant about it. As my friend Leila pointed out, this is often complimented by huge, face-covering sunglasses, a long blazer, and high boots. Brown ones, usually. I’m not sure whether it’s supposed to be indie or pop or chic, but it’s giving me a stomach ulcer like those goddamned Bench jackets that took over St. John’s a few years ago.

Duckface Ballerina Bun.

Out of every city we visited, Montreal, Ottawa and especially Winnipeg seemed most fond of the Ballerina Bun. My killer fashion senses tell me that this bun is the new replacement for the Messy Bun, typically worn by blondes and entirely misleading because they generally require a great deal of effort and hairspray. That roll-out-of-bed-and-do-the-walk-of-shame hooker look.

Alas, these trends spread like wildlife and there’s nothing to slow them down. I demonstrated the look for some friends during our cabin weekend in Northern Bay Sands, and before I knew it, we were all rocking the Ballerina Bun. I think it looks good on us, just the same.

I told them to "look pretentious."

And true to the nature of trends, I checked my Facebook stream this morning to see a wall post left by my friend Roberta: “You’ve created a monster – I’m totally rocking that bun all the time now.”

I can’t be held accountable for such things.